When You See Abuse

What to Do When You See Domestic Abuse

HOW TO RESPOND

In Every Scenario - Speak privately to the victim (as long as you can be sure the abuser doesn’t find out).

· Let the victim know you are there to listen confidentially if they want to talk.

· Believe the victim.

· Don’t tell the victim what to do.

· Point to resources (shelters, support groups, books).

· Don't suggest couples counseling or marriage books.

· Help with a safety plan.

· Contact them regularly to let them know you are there to help.

SCENARIOS

1. Witnessing Physical Violence

· POLICE – Calling the police during the violence (not after) could save the life of the victim or could provide the victim with evidence that might be useful in the future.

· VIDEO – You could video the violence as it may be useful as evidence.

· STEP IN – You could step in to protect the victim while waiting for the police to come (if you are strong enough to restrain the abuser).

2. Hearing About Physical Violence Without Witnessing it

· Don’t call the police (unless you hear sounds of violence).

· Don’t confront the abuser.

3. Witnessing Emotional Abuse

· Don’t call the police.

· If you are a friend of the abuser – call out the behavior. (e.g., “That was a bit harsh.”)

4. Hearing About Emotional Abuse Without Witnessing it

· Don’t confront the abuser.

5. If You Suspect Abuse

· Secretly hand the victim a resource card (see below), as well as your name and phone number.

6. If a church friend discloses abuse

· Don’t suggest that they tell a church leader or pastor unless the leader has been educated about the dynamics of domestic abuse.

· Don't confront the abuser unless the victim specifically asks you to.

7. If you think it is a false accusation

· 97% of victims who come forward are telling the truth. If they contradict themselves, it is because of trauma.

· Don't make it about the abuser. Your concern must be the safety of the victim.

NOTE: Helping a victim is all about their safety, physically and emotionally. There should never be church discipline for the abuser until the victim is safe.