Giving Every Church the Tools to Stop Domestic Abuse
Relationship Red Flags
Belittling
Walking on Eggshells
Humiliation
One partner belittles the other by questioning their judgment or competency.
Humiliation
Walking on Eggshells
Humiliation
One partner criticizes or makes fun of the other in front of others and then claims they were joking or not serious.
Walking on Eggshells
Walking on Eggshells
Walking on Eggshells
One partner feels like they are walking on eggshells. They are careful not to do something that might upset the other person.
Nervousness
Nervousness
Walking on Eggshells
One partner feels nervous around the other. They don't feel safe and they don't know what to expect.
Withdrawn
Nervousness
Self Blame
One partner becomes quiet or withdrawn in the presence of the other and also in social settings.
Self Blame
Nervousness
Self Blame
The victim takes on the responsibility for the abuser's anger (e.g., "I shouldn't have said that").
Overly Apologetic
Overly Apologetic
Overly Apologetic
One partner is always apologizing, even when they are not at fault.
Responsibility
Overly Apologetic
Overly Apologetic
One partner won't accept responsibility for their behavior. They make excuses.
Permission
Overly Apologetic
Permission
One partner feels the need to ask permission.
Set Off
Self Reflection
Permission
One partner is set off by small irritations.
Self Reflection
Self Reflection
Self Reflection
One partner is incapable of examining their own attitudes.
Put Downs
Self Reflection
Self Reflection
One partner often puts down or insults the other.
Inhibiting
Too Sensitive
Gaslighting
One partner prevents the other from working, attending school, or participating in hobbies or activities.
Gaslighting
Too Sensitive
Gaslighting
One partner blames the other for their abusive behavior or acts like it's not happening.
Too Sensitive
Too Sensitive
Too Sensitive
When the victim tells the abuser that their feelings were hurt, the abuser says they are too sensitive.
The Look
Controlling
Too Sensitive
One partner gives the other a look that causes fear. It's a threatening glare.
Controlling
Controlling
Controlling
One partner controls whom the other sees, where they go, or what they do.
Critical
Controlling
Controlling
One partner frequently criticizes the other.
Deceptive
Moving Quickly
Deceptive
One partner frequently lies or deceives the other.
Threats
Moving Quickly
Deceptive
The abuser threatens to harm the victim or someone the victim loves.
Moving Quickly
Moving Quickly
Moving Quickly
The dating partner wants to move too quickly in the relationship.
Compromise
Compromise
Moving Quickly
One partner is unwilling to compromise.
Confusion
Compromise
Mild Abuse
One partner is confused about the relationship.
Mild Abuse
Compromise
Mild Abuse
One partner restrains, slaps, or pokes the other.
Double Standards
Double Standards
Double Standards
One partner expects grace for their failures but offers no grace for the shortcomings of others.
Jekyll & Hyde
Double Standards
Double Standards
One partner seems to have two opposite personalities--one very good, one very bad.
Rage
Double Standards
Keeping Tabs
One partner rages out of control with the other partner but can maintain composure around others.
Keeping Tabs
Keeping Tabs
Keeping Tabs
One partner demands to know where the other is at all times. They frequently call, email, and text throughout the day.
Name Calling
Keeping Tabs
Name Calling
One partner calls the other names or says that no one else would ever want or love them.
Isolation
Keeping Tabs
Name Calling
One partner prevents the other from seeing friends or family members.
Silent Treatment
Silent Treatment
Silent Treatment
One partner gives the other the silent treatment for extended lengths of time.
Suicide Threat
Silent Treatment
Silent Treatment
One partner threatens to commit suicide because of something the other has done.
Always Win
Silent Treatment
Always Win
One partner must always win.
Hurt Pets
Minimize Feelings
Always Win
One partner hurts or threatens to hurt or kill their pets.
Minimize Feelings
Minimize Feelings
Minimize Feelings
One partner downplays and minimizes the feelings of the other.
Boundaries
Minimize Feelings
Minimize Feelings
One partner does not honor the boundaries of the other.
Money
Blames Ex
Blames Ex
One partner takes the other's money, refuses to give the partner money for expenses, or runs up their credit card debt.
Blames Ex
Blames Ex
Blames Ex
One partner blames the failure of previous relationships on the former partner; for example, "My ex was crazy."
Contempt
Blames Ex
Destroying Property
An early warning sign is that the other person treats strangers with contempt.
Destroying Property
Destroying Property
Destroying Property
One partner destroys the property of the other.
Weapons
Destroying Property
Conscience
One partner intimidates the other with guns, knives, or other weapons.
Conscience
Destroying Property
Conscience
One partner pressures the other into violating their conscience.
Injury
Physical Fights
Physical Fights
One partner has an injury that doesn't make sense.
Physical Fights
Physical Fights
Physical Fights
Both partners engage in physical fights with each other.
Punching Walls
Physical Fights
Punching Walls
One partner punches the wall or throws an object next to the other partner.
Risks
Jealous
Punching Walls
One partner takes risks that put the other partner in danger.
Jealous
Jealous
Jealous
One partner is excessively jealous and accuses the other of being unfaithful.
History
Jealous
Jealous
One partner has a history of abusing others.